I find it so frustrating that my moods & feelings can turn on a dime. I can be pretty fine, as fine as I can be anyway, and then suddenly I have all these negative thoughts and suspicions and assumptions that weren't there the day before.
But on the bright side, I can switch from feeling down to back up again in the same way....which is what happened last week. By the time we went for our massages Fri evening, rational me had realized that we've been for massages twice together since he went back In Feb....and I hadn't even known about that then. Why should I let knowledge of something that was no surprise ruin this for me? So I didn't. We went....it was nice and relaxing and fun. Though later DH said he looked over at me one time while I was laying on my back and he saw a tear in the corner of my eye.
We had a nice weekend. We haven't had a bad one in weeks now. Both of us are much more relaxed now....but mostly I have changed and that has helped things tremendously. For a while I was on a constant search for information.....to confirm that something WAS still going on, to RULE OUT that anything was going on.....I was driving both of us nuts. Now my feeling is that if something WAS going on, I will know....the truth will come out at some point. I've just quit looking for trouble, because when you look hard enough you can make anything mean something.
This Fri we see Dr O and I get to tell her I've changed my mind. I will screw up her plans for the whole session I'm sure. But I think she'll be happy. I do think I would have done better w/all the information I wanted from him if he'd been forthcoming with it when I asked in the first place. I think now....I'm past that phase and to find out some of this stuff now IS much more harmful than helpful.
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3 comments:
Its good you're being flexible, willing to change your list of demands. I think it would be a natural inclination to want to stick to your guns and see it through, in spite of the fact that your Dh and therapist are opposing you. So truly, it shows a willingness to change your thinking and that's always a good thing. Whether you stick to it or not. That sounds confusing as hell, doesn't it? LOL.. sorry.. its late.
NO, not confusing. I was thinking the same thing...that a lot of people in my position would persist anyway.
Plenty of people would persist, BELIEVE ME.
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