Counseling woes

I don't know why I post this stuff....I only have 2 readers. I could just email the 2 of you. But this is more fun.

On Wednesday, we had our first counseling session that didn't seem like it was productive. She has us do this communication thing where one of us is the intiator and the other is the inquisitor. It is actually very effective and while we may not use that exact method, we are doing better with communicating. So Wednesday was DH's turn to initiate, and he said he didn't really have anything to discuss. She pressured him to come up with something and he did eventually pull some stuff out of his ass. I won't go into the whole thing (it's not that interesting), but at one point he said he does certain things to be mean to me on purpose. Out of everything he said that day, that was the one thing that stood out. I went home and cried a little....it just made me so sad. That night we talked and I asked him why in the world, after all we've been through, would he TRY to be mean to me? The question seemed to catch him off guard, and the next afternoon he sent an email apologizing. Said he had no idea that bothered me, that that wasn't really what he meant, he misspoke (he sounds like Hilary!). What he had been talking about was that he feels I am testing him a lot, so sometimes he tests ME to see what I would do in a situation....and that that could be construed as being mean because I am not the one who has done anything to deserve being tested. I am not entirely sure that I get his point but I do appreciate that he spent the whole next day thinking about how much he'd hurt my feelings and was compelled to apologize.

He did point out something that I'd kind of noticed but had never said anything about. The counselor seems to try to defend him a lot. DH says he knows he did something wrong and doesn't need or deserve someone on his side. An example from Wednesday is DH was talking about how now that he doesn't use his Blackberry hardly at all (I think he mostly uses it during the day to catch up on email while sitting in the many meetings he goes to) that he often feels behind at work. He doesn't like to go in on the weekends because he hates making the drive, so he hardly ever does that. I mentioned that he'd have more time at work if he didn't go to the gym in the mornings AND the evenings. She immediately said "oh, no....you don't want to take that away from him". I had suggested nothing remotely like that. I was stating a fact: he doesn't get to work early or stay late because he goes to the gym. Period. DH knew what I meant. I wasn't passing any kind of judgment on working out twice a day (though I do think it's ridiculous).

I told DH that we need to bring these things up with her. We are paying her. If she's doing things we don't find beneficial, then we need to tell her. So we'll have to think on that.