Nothing in particular has happened to make me sad....but I am sad. I feel sad and tired and scared and confused. DH can tell too....called today to check on me. Dr E told us not to talk about "it" while he's out of town. That made DH mighty happy. On the one hand, I think after what he's done to me, I am entitled to talk about whatever the hell I want. But on the other hand, it really doesn't help anything. It's good practice for me in keeping my mouth shut...something that could always use a little work.
I find myself slipping back into old thought patterns. It's stuff I don't want to revisit. Triggers and images and nagging thoughts. I don't need them. But it all comes back to one thing: he's lied to me so many times, why should I believe him now? I guess this is what I'm talking about when I say at the one-year point if I feel like this I'm done.
I feel like I miss DH but I'm not sure if I do. I think I may be confusing sadness with missing him. I guess I'll be able to tell if I really missed him or not by how I feel when I see him again.
4 comments:
Which kind, nurturing, fun things are you doing for yourself during this time? Have you made a list? Something like...
-Talk with favorite friends
-Bathe in candlelight
-Read a novel
It's to neat to treat yourself to these necessary luxuries during this time. Not only do you deserve it, but it's great growth therapy! :o)
I actually have been doing all 3 of those things (minus the candlelight!).....I'm also planning to do some fun things with my kids (they are out of school for the next week and Mon and Tue of the following week). This morning I stayed in bed until 7 (late for me) and enjoyed a nice quiet house for about an hour and a half.....drank my coffee, read the paper, talked to DH on the phone, caught up on email.
(((Good for you. Keep it up.)))
Of course you would miss him. Just because you know, or think, or know you need to divorce him, doesn't mean you don't miss his companionship and a whole lot of other things. We're talking a longterm attachment here. Someone you still love, despite his flaws. There's no shame in missing him. I'm sorry this is still all so hard. {{hugs}}
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