No "jabs", negative talk, etc.

At our last counseling session, new counselor suggested that I try very hard to refrain from making "jabs" at DH about things he's done and things that have happened. DH had mentioned that he knows he deserves them, but it also makes it hard sometimes for him to look forward to being with me or talking to me because he never knows when I'm going to throw something out there. Counselor asked me to please refrain from doing that, at least while DH is gone....that our conversations and visits should be pleasant for both of us. I agreed that I wouldn't do it, and I can honestly say I haven't made a crappy comment even one time. And an amazing thing has happened....I am happier. I wouldn't call myself blissfully deliriously happy by any stretch, but I think the negative thoughts and comments can become a huge vicious circle...I'm sure I was making myself feel far worse than DH was feeling.

We did have an interesting conversation last night. I have yet to call the old counselor and tell him that we've been seeing yet another therapist together. Yogurtry tells me not to worry about it.....that I don't really owe him an explanation, and that patients move on all the time without letting the counselor know. I just really don't want to have to justify why I am willing to put more time and effort into this because I know the old counselor will not approve. I came home from my weekend away to find a letter from the old counselor. Saying that he hadn't heard from me since I cancelled my appointment on October 13th, that he thinks we had more to work on, and please call him to let him know how I'm doing and to reschedule if I wish. I told DH about the letter. He suggested that I go see the old counselor and just feel him out on what he'd think of us getting into more couples counseling. I told DH that I already know what he thinks....he thinks DH is not remorseful, thinks I can never trust him again, and in the two sessions I've had with him alone, what he's mostly talked about is how I will function after divorcing. DH was stunned....and I was stunned that he was stunned. How could he be stunned? DH acted kind of hurt (which in turn really pissed me off) that I talked to him about getting divorced. I told DH that I told the counselor I wanted a divorce the same day I told DH that.....and that every time I mention anything about wanting it to work out, possibly changing my mind, ANYTHING (an example is when I went to see our priest) the counselor says the same thing....and I say the same thing, that I really would love for things to work out somehow, some way. Yogurtry also told me that the letter the counselor sent me is fairly routine and still, if I want to just blow him off I can. But I hate feeling like a wuss and not owning up to my choices. So I'm going to call him tomorrow. I plan to leave a message and tell him that I have decided to explore more couples counseling right now and I want to just focus on that for a while, things are going fairly well at the moment, and I will call him if I need him in the future. I actually think that if things DON'T work out, I'd rather see the new counselor anyway. I like the old one but like the new one more.