And I don't want to go. Really don't want to go AT ALL. Will I go? Probably. But I don't want to. I've been in a funk since our last session. Nothing really has happened, I just feel like if this is what our life is like, I don't want it.
I have wondered quite a bit what things would have been like if I had been the one to cheat. A friend says she thinks men are more forgiving. I don't know that I agree. I think women TRY to be more forgiving because I think women are more interested in keeping their family intact if possible. I don't think men care about that nearly as much. I really think if I had strayed, he'd be gone by now.
Aside from my generally funky lowness, things have been okay. I don't trust him and really wonder if I ever will again. Now I'm at this odd place where I have thoughts cross my mind but I don't care nearly enough to look any further. I figure if anything happens I will find out....which is really a pretty crappy attitude to have. Counselor even asked DH that - is that how you want your wife to think?
I know I'm whining....but I really just don't wanna go. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
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5 comments:
Whine away. You're entitled. You are so good at articulating what I think would be exactly how I would feel, or exactly how any woman would feel after a long time of trying to get over an affair. So it's not whining. Its articulating. Big difference..haha. I hope your counseling session pays off. Try not to rip him a new one.
Ditto.
You sound exhausted. I'm no expert on any of this, but it seems to me that you need to hear that your bloggy buds have your back... whatever you decide to do... and whether or not you decide to go to your session on Saturday. So, speaking for all of us, we have your back. Now give yourself a hug and do whatever it is that your heart tells you is right.
I AM exhausted. I've been a little weepy the last couple days and it's draining.
I am compromising on this. I rescheduled Saturday's appointment for the following week. I'm not ducking out entirely, but just not doing it this weekend.
I am just reading your blogs for the first time. My husband also had an affair, which I found out about in 2/08 (I had my suspicians, but he confessed). I have had the same ups/downs as you this past year. Unfortunately I do know the person my husband had an affair with as she was a friend, so that sucks at a different level. I have heard that it takes two years to recover from an affair and am counting on 2009 being better than '08. I am feeling much better, but like you have my bad days. Anyways, I wanted to thank you for posting your journey as it does help others who are going through the same thing to know we aren't crazy, but that we are strong, loving, kind, forgiving women who put our family first and can live through anything. I have chosen to forgive my husband and move forward and if I ever find out (and we always do) he is being unfaithful or dishonest with me again then it's over. No counseling, no doubts, no regrets. Good luck and please keep blogging!
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