We had our appointment this morning. I majorly screwed up because I thought it was at 11:30 and it was actually at 11:00....so we showed up 30 minutes late. I hate tardiness so I really am annoyed with myself that I did that. But it actually turned out okay. We didn't need more than 30 minutes anyway. We went in, I told him that I hadn't wanted to come and why, and we scheduled an appointment for the end of February. He was just concerned that I would go downhill between now and then, but I do have the option of going in, either alone or with DH, before then if I wanted to.
I do think DH is a little worried though. He'd sent an email to the counselor about something else that week and forwarded had messed up the email address, so the counselor never got it. When DH figured that out, he forwarded the message to both the doctor and me. At the end of the message, DH had said that I was reluctant to come and he doesn't know what to do...he's at a loss. I think I might have hit the nail on the head when I said that I think DH is afraid that if I'm done with counseling I'm done with him too. And I may be mean, but I think it might be good to let him worry a little bit. Let him walk in my shoes for a while.
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Does (dh) mention this to you at all?
Not really. Though I could tell it bothered him a little at least because when I suggested not going, he didn't jump on the opportunity to cancel. I thought he would. We have taken some time off before, though not by choice really. He was gone for a month, so we didn't see the counselor for about 5 weeks then.
I'm sure we'll talk about it some before the end of February. I am not dead-set against going before then if I feel the need to.
I don't blame you for not wanting to do the counseling thing anymore. I mean it's been 11 months and you both have decided that you want your marriage to work and you've done enough counseling to know what the disconnect in your marriage was to lead to the affair and I assume you both are working hard to deal with the aftermath and to make sure that something like this never happens again. To continue counseling almost keeps what happened fresh instead of being able to put it in the past and move forward, making new and happier memories. My husband and I did the counseling thing for a few months and then were "released". Not that I don't think of what happened daily, but most of the time it's only a small amount of time I spend on it. And if either of us feel that we are having an issue, we will definately make an appointment. I'm a pretty positive person, as you seem to be, and know that there are two ways you can handle things like this in your life. You can dwell on them and be negative or you can forgive and move past them and be optimistic (not stupid or blind), but have faith that your husband is truly sorry and that it won't happen again. Good luck to you and stay positive! You're doing a great job!
Anonymous, thanks for your thoughts. You are definitely WAY more positive than I am. Problem is.....I don't know that I believe him. It's hard to explain. I don't really think he is doing anything now, but I think he's just been so awful that I don't put anything past him. I think he's capable of inflicting great pain on me. I'm just not sure that I will ever get over it, or if I should. I want to forgive, and I think that's a start, but he has sure not made it easy for me to do.
To be honest I haven't 100% forgiven my husband either. It's just a work in progress. It's hard to believe after so many years of marriage he could do something like that to me/us. Just know that you are in control of your future and that you will never be able to make sense out of nonsense (that's a Dr. Phil bit, lol). But waiting for your husband to screw up again isn't going to help either. Try and stay positive and give him the benefit of the doubt, even though he doesn't deserve it, but for your own piece of mind try and move forward and stay positive. Just believe that he wouldn't be there if he didn't want to be there and hopefully he knows (as I hope my husband knows) that they've used their one get out of jail free card and we will never tolerate this being done to us or our children again. There's a book called The Power of Now that I read and it helped a little. Just trying to live in the "now" as none of us know for sure what the future brings. Good Luck and keep blogging.
I see nothing wrong with this...sometimes others need to be allowed to feel our truth.
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