- Significant age difference - check (12 years - article says 10-15 years or more).
- Lack of sexual compability - okay, this one doesn't really apply...though I guess maybe it has at various times in our marriage (depending on how other parts of our relationship were going)
- Religious differences - check
- Differences in wanting children - this one doesn't necessarily apply either. Kind of. I think we were on the same page BEFORE any kids came along....the differences came later. I was never all gung-ho and dead-set on having kids. Never really thought about it much. I guess because I came from such a miserable family I just couldn't picture myself having a great one. I think I could have gone my whole life without having kids, though that might have changed as I got older. Kid #1 was unplanned. Kids #2 and #3....well ONE of them was unplanned. I know DH loves all his kids, but I think he seems them as a hinderance at times and I am not sure if he'd put them first if a situation required that. I am fairly sure that he would have probably led a happier life with no kids, while I am the total opposite. I didn't THINK I wanted kids, but WOW.....are they ever awesome.
- Toxic in-laws, ex-spouses, and stepchildren - check. Sort of. In-laws not toxic or around enough to make any difference. Ex-spouse and stepchildren not toxic either....but most certainly have created challenges at various times.
- Background differences - check.
- Differences in values - check. CHECK CHECK CHECK. And I think this is where the majority of our problems lie. Basically he has no values and I do. :)
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
"Incompability Landmines"
For the last 6 months or so, I've felt like someone at my local newspaper has been stalking me. The Life section has been full of articles about divorce in general, financial tips for divorcing couples, infidelity, marital strife, is this relationship worth salvaging, blah blah blah. Today there's an article called Incompatibility Landmines, Avoid a Failed Relationship by Recognizing the Warning Signs. It is only about 19 years too late. :) Seriously, it practically screams my name. Here are the signs, and scary thing is, almost every single one applies to me/us. Ack.
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4 comments:
But did you know about the values difference in the beginning?
Not really...some of that didn't become apparent until we had children....and now this whole mess obviously.
That values thing is a real kicker. I have to make sure I stop ga-ga-ing long enough to verify values before getting involved with anyone...my big #1 priority. Not that I've had to worry about this for ((years)) now, but in my future, yes.
I think the big one for me now is honesty. I didn't realize until all this how dishonest he is....how sneaky, how underhanded.
I am basically an honest person. And I guess I just feel like I have more moral fiber than he does. Not to get up on a big ol' high horse....but I can't imagine just "helping myself" to someone else's spouse. Just cannot fathom it.
And not to sound like a martyr, but I think I also value someone who is willing to put someone they love above themselves and their desires, no matter how uncomfortable that might be. I do it ALL THE TIME....out of love. I don't bitch about it, I don't complain about it, I don't resent it and take it out on someone else later. And believe me, I don't always put myself last either...I have my selfish moments.
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