I have a lot of friends. I am a blabbermouth and I'll talk to anyone.....so just about everywhere I go I pick up a friend or two. I have a few friends I've known for over 25 years. I have numerous online friends, some of whom I am pretty close to. I have a neighbor I am pretty tight with. I have a couple close friends and many acquaintances I've met through my kids. I also have lots of friends who don't live closeby but I stay in touch with, at least exchanging Christmas cards.
For the last couple months I have really isolated myself. I had no desire to see anyone....I didn't feel like acting normal but really didn't feel like spilling my guts either. So it was just easier to stay home, hole up, retreat inside myself. When I finally started telling some friends, I felt like a huge load had been taken off my shoulders. Everything gets better when you share it, whether it's joy or pain.
I am not a needy friend. Well I probably am NOW (one poor friend has received probably hundreds of emails from me, full of analysis of every single detail of this whole saga) but normally I am not. If you have time for me, great.....if you don't, well I understand. Everyone's busy. But one friend in particular has really bothered me. She is not one I would ever tell about my situation....I just don't feel like she'd be helpful at all and I don't need that. What is bothering me is that now it is apparent how one-sided our friendship has always been and how when I don't hold up my end, there really is no friendship, no communication, no nothing. I usually call this friend once a week, and a month went by before she even noticed she hadn't heard from me. She finally called me and just didn't seem to have a clue that something was wrong. I know I can't expect people to read my mind but I thought she knew me well enough to tell I wasn't myself. It all made me think back over our friendship (we've been friends about 5 yrs) and I realized....she asks all kinds of favors of me but has never been able to do any of the things I've asked of her. Ever.
So am I turning into that needy, whiny friend no one wants to be.....or am I just seeing this friendship clearly for the first time?
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3 comments:
you can be needful and not be whiny. we are all needful of support. its what friends are for.
a lot of people say that during times of crisis they examine their friendships. i had a friend who got cancer (she survived, thankfully) and pretty much dumped one whole arm of her friendship chain, (i was one. i'm still very sad about it, after 10 years)as best i can figure, because one of the friends disappointed her over the cancer issue. anyway, i digress. crises are the big clarifier at times but don't lop off too many friends : )
I don't even plan to lop off this one...I just realize that she is not a friend who is really concerned about me. And this isn't the only thing that tells me that.
i don't think that while you are in crisis is a good time to judge friendships .... to give her a benefit of a doubt, she could be going through something herself .... i don't necessarily think that, but it could be ....
what i do think, is that we need all kinds of friends, talking friends, email friends, exercise friends, movie friends ..... sometimes different people fill different needs ..... this one is obviously not sensitive to your needs, but she's been a friend for a reason .... stick with that ..... she's supportive in other ways probably ....or maybe she's just fun to chat with ..... you feeling ways you've never felt .... don't let that mood make you jump too quickly at judging friendships ....
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