Affairs in the pre-electronics age and playing hard to get

I have thought of this numerous times....it's goofy.....but how in the world did people carry on affairs before cell phones and email? I know we are spoiled now by these modern "necessities", but think about how much more difficult it would be to carry on an affair without them. Obviously it was done! I know it was easier for him to hide his whereabouts on several occasions....I have not demanded a contact number when he's out of town for YEARS because he's had cell phones. Or he'd call and say he was on his way to a meeting and was going to be tied up all afternoon.....pretty convenient, huh?

My husband has a Blackberry....it is not his.....it was issued to him by his employer. It is not supposed to be for personal use, but that is one of those things that no one monitors unless a problem arises with it. So he conducted a lot of his "business" with this woman via his Blackberry....lots of emails, lots of calls. Though she never called while he was at home....the phone was always on, other people called on it, but never her. I think the email was the main thing.....and I'm talking just about every waking moment he was checking it, or reading emails, or writing email. I guess without it she'd have had to call his work phone and they'd have to pre-arrange everything. Now, I hate to see the fucking thing. At the beginning of all this mess, it was a huge issue for us. He said he "needed" it for work....I said he didn't. He rarely to never gets work calls on it after hours. He CAN check his work email on it so he does have a point about that, but really....there's never much of anything that's that urgent that it can't wait until he gets to work in the morning. So we went back and forth on that. At first he'd leave it at work all weekend but bring it home during the week, where it mainly just sat. Now, he doesn't bring it home at all unless he is expecting a call or email that he wants immediately. He did say in the beginning that he could call or email anyone he wants without the Blackberry, and he is right. But to me it was a matter of respect, of caring about my feelings, and that damn Blackberry was a huge part of all the deceit. I got him a cell phone on our family plan and he uses that after work hours. It took a while but he did end up seeing my point and respecting my feelings on this issue. Now....I realize that he could be doing all kinds of things with it when he's not in front of me. And that I can't control.

My other topic: playing hard to get. This whole thing has made me quite needy at times. I felt like I was constantly needing reassurance, constantly hovering, checking, searching, obsessing. As time has gone by and my mental state has improved significantly, I have become less clingy. And I realized that if I need to ask for something all the time, do I want it? One thing that came up in a counseling session was me calling him at work. Throughout our marriage, we have always talked at least a couple times during the workday. It is not unusual for either of us to call the other....it's not a new thing. But it just pissed me off that it came up....what is considered "attention" from one person (see above paragraph about numerous emails and phone calls) is considered nagging and clinging from another. So I quit calling. Just about altogether (I did call once this week....but it's been a week and I've only called once). And lo and behold.....guess who is calling me at least a couple times a day? Guess who is sending me emails, all signed "love you". I don't like to play games, but damn if this isn't a kind of fun one.

On an unrelated note: my next door neighbor is having a garage sale today and it is driving me INSANE. We live on a cul-de-sac where parking is at a minimum. We've had a million cars in and out all day, parking in front of my driveway, in my driveway, in the middle of the street....I just saw some guy picking through my trash. Selfishly, I have a few things I'd like to ask if I can put in the garage sale but I won't for fear that she will ask me to HELP. At which point I would actually BE insane.