First entry

I am a mother, married for 15 years. I found out almost 2 months ago that my husband had been having a short-lived affair. When I merely suspected, I expected to throw him out on his ass. And I nearly did. But then I decided that despite his acting like a complete ass and "crushing my aorta" (got that from a friend, and boy is it a good description!), I do love him, and despite not being blissfully happy together, our marriage did have some definite good parts, and I can't imagine just walking away from an 18 year relationship without at least trying to repair things. So we are in counseling, him alone and both of us together. There've been a few setbacks along the way and lots of tears and arguments.

It's been a rough 2 months. I am both weaker and stronger than I ever knew. I think if I had suicidal tendencies I'd be a goner by now. I spent about 2 1/2 weeks almost bedridden. I spent another 2 weeks in a fog. Since then I've definitely had ups and downs, but I am much better.

Unless someone's lived through this, it is nearly impossible to describe the pain that comes with finding out that someone you loved and trusted has betrayed you in the worst possible way. I would not wish this on my worst enemy.

So....I am dealing with the aftermath of infidelity. I am not convinced that we will ultimately end up together, but I am hopeful and I think I would always regret not trying. Our marriage was not great for the last couple of years, and there's much that could be improved upon. I have decided to look at the affair as either a wake-up call or the end. But to figure out which one it is will take some time.

It takes a while to recover from a crushed aorta.