A step up (or maybe it's down?) from Dr Phil....

...is something I saw on Desperate Housewives a couple weeks ago that just struck a nerve with me. If you don't watch you won't know who this character is, but the comment was made by Carl....Susan's ex-husband and Bree's divorce attorney. I know Carl is a total cad but I've always liked the character....he's so bad he's amusing. Anyway...Bree was having second thoughts about divorcing her husband and started to say "if I tried hard enough blah blah blah". Carl said that he knew what she was going to say. She was going to say that he isn't that bad, and Carl said "he IS that bad".

When we watched that show, DH just laughed and laughed at that part. Maybe he found it funny because he saw himself in it, but somehow I don't think so. Just reminded me how every time I think DH can't be "that bad", he's proven me wrong. :(

Laugh if you want....

....but you can learn a lot from Dr. Phil. His no-bullshit, lay-it-on-the-line common sense is just what I need sometimes. Too bad he can't reach through the TV and kick me in the seat of the pants.

Yesterday's show was not about infidelity, but there was a couple on there with major issues. Both of them. He was an ass and she allowed herself to be treated like total shit. Sound familiar??? I went on the website and he had a list of 5 questions you need to ask yourself if you're considering divorce: 1) Are you still in love with your spouse? 2) Are you angry? 3) Are you hurt? 4) Are you confused? 5) Are you scared? He says if you answer yes to any of the questions, you have work to do and are not ready to leave the marriage. He said you are not ready until you can look each other in the eye and feel peace, no hatred, no resentment. Very interesting....and seems impossible. But I think I may be getting there. This time last year, my answers were all a resounding yes. Now I'm down to I don't know, yes, not as much, not really, and yes.

How do you turn your mind off....and other stuff

DH's sweetness didn't last....the imposter is gone and same old same old is back in his place, which isn't ALL bad, but there are some ups and downs. He was perfect and sweet and kind and loving, and within a matter of days, he was acting kind of like a shit again. Sunday morning I asked him if anything was wrong because he acted like he'd rather be anywhere but with me, and he said "that's what you're acting like". The conversation ended right there because couldn't we go 'round and 'round with that forever? I felt like saying "I know you are but what am ??? INFINITY", but I refrained. :P So we had an interesting therapy session on Monday. I brought up how DH had been acting for the last week or so, and Dr asked how that made me feel. I told him that after more than a day or so of that, I start to wonder what in the hell is going on....if something's going on to make him distant or if it's just the stress of work, day-to-day stuff, etc. I was explaining that I can be going along, feeling perfect fine, then a thought or two pops into my head, then that grows....more thoughts, more doubts, more bad feelings. DH said he feels the same way often....that I'm not going to ever forgive him, that I won't ever trust him, that I'm going to leave him. Dr came up with a good analogy....said it's like when you're watching TV and really into a show, and then this annoying banner comes scrolling across the bottom of the screen. He said you try to enjoy your show, but all you can see is that stupid banner....saying "she's going to leave me anyway", or whatever negative thought keeps popping up. So he says we both need to change our what our banners say......because if he's not up to anything, HE'S not the one torturing me anymore, I'm torturing myself. So....I guess I need to "change what my banner says" but I sure have a hard time turning my mind off. And I guess no matter what happens with our marriage, I don't really want to spend my life turning this stuff over and over and over in my mind, do I? It has to stop somewhere. But I guess the bottom line is I DON'T trust him....even if I really don't THINK anything is amiss, I don't put anything past him at all. I guess in the back of my mind I just have the thought that maybe he really is just an awful, awful person who wants to do whatever it is he wants without disrupting his life and putting up with any grief. And I wonder if that will ever go away. It's a really sucky thought to have.


Heard from my friend this morning.....her daughter has this friend whose dad is a very successful attorney. They have 4 children, multi-million dollar home. Friend's mother is very sweet, very beautiful. Her husband told her in February that he was leaving her and was involved with someone else. As if that wasn't bad enough, now he's saying he wants custody of the kids, want the house, and wants to ruin her. She said she hadn't even known anything was wrong, and now he wants to ruin her? She has no idea where that is coming from. On the one hand, I couldn't help but think that at least he's being honest with her, but why would he want to rake her over the coals like that? People can be horrible to each other.