BIG accomplishment :)

Not really....just thought that was a good attention-grabber. :) It's really a small accomplishment. But let me back up a bit.....

I have let a lot of things fall by the wayside in the last year. Some friends.....volunteer activities.....hobbies. Some things I'm glad to let go of. I discovered that I had a lot of friendships where I was really the only one initiating everything. Or there were friends that I didn't feel I trusted enough to tell what had happened. If I'm doing everything or I don't trust someone, is this really a friend I need to spend a lot of time or energy on? I had been dragging myself week after week to volunteer doing things I hated. But my hobbies....I kind of miss those.

I didn't have a lot of hobbies....just little things I enjoyed every now and then. One I stuck with and that's my Ebay....and that's pretty much because I hate clutter and I'm cheap and I like money. :) The two things I hate letting slide most is the scrapbooks I make for my kids and reading. I distinctly remember what I was working on, scrapbook-wise, when the shit hit the fan here. I was working on A's scrapbook, pictures from the previous summer, so from Aug 07. I never finished. I left everything on an end table in my family room for a long time, thinking maybe I'd get back to it. Then it made me sad to look at it, so I put it all away. I still haven't finished what I was working on and don't know when I will. But I want to sometime. I've also been horrible about taking pictures in this year plus. And what few pictures we've taken, I haven't had processed. So I feel like we've "lost" a year and a half. But I'll get my rear in gear sometime and get caught up.

I have missed reading A LOT. For a long time I couldn't focus long enough to read anything beyond the newspaper and the occasional magazine. My mind raced too much. I felt too sad to think of anything but myself and my misery. Then later, I just had no interest. I wasn't miserable....but I felt "blah". So I had found some reviews of a few books in magazines that looked good and ordered them from amazon.com. I started one yesterday and have hardly been able to put it down. Sounds like a stupid thing to be jazzed about, but I am. I finally am over my affair-induced ADD (AIADD??). Ironically, the book is about a woman whose husband had an affair and left her. It's called 'Happens Every Day'. It's an interesting book....she is not a super talented writer but her writing draws you in. It's like talking to a friend. It sounds like ME. You'd think I'd find it too depressing, but oddly I don't.

In other news....those 6 days without smoking? Totally down the tubes. On the one-week mark, there I was....back at Walgreens buying a pack of cigarettes. So yesterday I decided to actually DO SOMETHING about it rather than just talk about doing something about it. I bought some nicotine gum and I'm hoping it will be helpful. Actually I think what may work is that I'm afraid if I actually did smoke after chewing the gum I would get really sick. So I'm chewing away on the gum anytime I go out to run errands, my usual time that I'd sneak in a smoke or two.